Living through this Winter Pt. 2


On January 15,  I went into active labor. We were so thankful that God allowed us to carry full-term. Over term, according to doctors I was 41+5 days. I am so grateful for my sister-friend Yvonne for being there for me through it all. She became a yoga instructor, Lamaze coach and doula over night just so she could be a friend. Venderf, my husband gave great support. Finally after about 13 hrs plus of labor, Ellah-Soleil was born.


It’s a girl! We had decided to wait to find out! We were so happy to finally meet her! Doctors didn’t know how long she would live for after birth so they had a photographer come in less then an hour after delivery to take new born pictures. Thankfully she didn’t need any help breathing or medical attention, so we were able to hug and love on her as much as we wanted. After 2 days we were discharged from the hospital and was able to take her home.Ellah-213

Ellah looked perfect! Ten little toes and ten little fingers and was in good spirits despite the poor prognosis. Her brothers and sister were elated to have her home! They all fought to hold her. A hospice nurse would visit us every other day to provide comfort care from home. They explained to us the stages of transitioning and what to look out for when the end was near. This was very hard time for us. She looked so perfect, beautiful and so innocent. You would never have known half of her heart was missing.


Five days after Ellahs birth, Venderf began to have 2nd thoughts about our decision to leave her be. How could something so perfect and precious be broken? Should we fight harder for her? Should we try with surgery? Venderf held her that entire day. That night, he shared with me these questions. Later that night, we called Ella’s doctor and shared with him our concerns. He was very supportive! At that moment, it would have to be a split and fast decision. If we decided to act, we would have to rush back to the hospital to start her on meds and steroids and fly out the following day to California to attempt surgery. We struggle with this! It wasn’t an easy decision. We felt it best to trust in the Lord and not to lean on our own understanding. God let your will be done.

As time passed, Ellah’s heart valve would close completely and the under-developed side would not get oxygen, leading her heart to stop working. Heaven gained an angel on January 24, 2017. Ellah transitioned in her sleep.

There are very few things in life that’s more painful than losing your child. As parents we take on the role seriously as guardians and protectors. But watching our baby Ellah pass was a very helpless moment because mommy and daddy couldn’t do anything about it.


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